Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
