Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
