1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
