i love accidental penises.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
