At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
