You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
