So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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