Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
