I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
