I think I won the penis lottery.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize