her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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