That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
