evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
