his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My feet surprised me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Come on in and take your pants off
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