just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
