just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
operation harelip BJ is a go
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
