Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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