Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
In America we eat man semen.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
