We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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