She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
