Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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