Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
