I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
