And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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