You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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