There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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