He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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