he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
