I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
