I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
