I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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