Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
