so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
