I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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