I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
