YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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