I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
