listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
