He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
