epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize