mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
