i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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