So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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