let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
