Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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