OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
