I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
