I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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