he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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