so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
