i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There's always time for handjobs
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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