hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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