My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
