Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
