Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
