Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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