Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
