Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I bet he comes in French.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
