when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
