omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
