I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
