lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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