I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
