The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
