Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
